Theology Shrunk

Lately I've had this thought that has been really hard for me to swallow - but it's the reality of where I am. I grew up thinking that the Old Testament books and all of Paul's letters and any book that is NOT the Gospels was something that I had to believe and hold that as the Gospel. Well lately I've been feeling that while I think the OT is good and foundational for the Christ's life and Pauls letters are important, I don't believe that holds as much significance as it used to. Paul's letters to me are an example of one guy who used to kill Christians, how his life was radically changed by God and how he has chosen to live his life and lead others in the message he believed Christ gave. For me, my theology and faith is seemingly now only wrapped up in the Four Gospels that tell 1 story in a variety of ways: that story of Jesus Christ. Maybe this is obvious to others, maybe this means I'm less Christian to other people, maybe you don't care, but for me I've realized that my theology is broken down to 1)Am I and How am I loving God 2) Am I and How Am I loving my neighbor. Christ shows this implicitly and explicitly through Matthew Mark Luke and John. Right now, today, that seems to be all I can believe in.

1 year together!

Deserts, Dryness, Dark Nights of the Soul

I hate this place. I hate not knowing things. I'm sure many people do. I hate no absolutes. Recently someone told me that there is nothing in life that is black and white, yet I try to live in a black and white world. As a matter of fact I don't want to live in any other world. I don't need people to tell me to live in gray and I don't need people telling me God is going to teach me something in this. Quite frankly it's the last thing I need. Not sure what I need, if anything, I just feel like there is something missing. I try to find answers to certain things, specifically my faith and questions I find asking from the Bible and yet no one can give me answers. They give me their views and ideas, but who's to say they are right. I'll find 10 other people telling me they are wrong. Then the next question, maybe the next post - why do I feel a need to ask the questions that seemingly have no answers. Why does it matter? How does it help me love God and love neighbor? I'm sure it's important, but why? I am being vague for a reason, because if I were to sit and list all the questions I have, the internet wouldn't have enough space I'm sure.