a question around the question of children

The majority of my married friends have kids, most of whom I love. So hear me say that I like, enjoy and even love children. I just do not want to have kids of my own. I never have and up until this moment of my life, I do not desire to have any kids of my own. But it is always interesting when I meet someone for the first time. This seems to be a foreign concept to most everyone I meet. I'll recount the last time this has happened. The typical conversation goes something like this:

(once they know Sara and I are married)

New Person: How long have you been married?
Me: About 3 1/2 years
NP: How many kids? (assuming we already have kids after 3 years)
Me: none
NP: Oh so when do you plan on having kids? (again assuming we are going to have kids)
Me: I don't plan to have any kids
NP: I'm sorry to hear that
Me: Sorry? How come?
NP: Well, we have friends who couldn't have kids either, that must be difficult ( assuming we want kids)
Me: Oh, it's not that we can't have any, we just don't want to have children
(and this is where I feel the immediate disdain for our choices coming from the person asking)

OR it continues or has the variation of this....


NP: Oh so when do you plan on having kids?
Me: I don't plan to have any kids
NP: Oh, but you'd be such a good dad

You know, I actually think I WOULD be a good dad too, but I didn't ask if I would be a good dad. Why do people feel like they need to affirm my father capabilities when hearing that I don't want to have kids? It's like they think that once they affirm my "dadness" that I will decide "oh you know, you're right, I would be a good dad, I think we will have kids now.
Or why do you need to affirm me for not having kids? I don't understand. 
Or assume we can't have children. 

It just becomes very frustrating. I love my friends' children and the chances to play with them, talk to them, and hangout with them. I love being a part of their lives, their development and helping shape and grow them as young people. Just because I may not have children does not mean I'm less of an adult or less human or that something is wrong with us. Instead, let me and Sara babysit for you so you can go out, have a nice evening or weekend as a couple and we'll spoil your kids and let them stay up late, have sugar and be the fun aunt and uncle.

Dave Matthews Band | Theology | Christianity

Most of you who know me, know that I love the Dave Matthews Band. I also love listening to music of any kind and seeing how it resonates with me and life at any given moment. Do you ever have those experiences where you hear a song or read a quote and years later you hear the same song or read the quote and it means something completely different?!?! Well I just had this experience. Either I'm sad or stressed or something, but any music I was playing was not doing the trick so I went to my default....Dave Matthews Band - Before These Crowded Streets album. (You want to experience the best hour of your life, listen to this album). Anywho, I was painting one of the rooms in our house and played this album in Spotify (I wanted to hear the "Spotify Live Series" version). I began at the beginning because every song on this album is my favorite. Well when "The Last Stop" began playing I heard it in a very different light. Maybe it's because of all the Facebook arguing, bantering, disagreeing, "tough guy" mentality that has occurred (myself included) recently around Christianity, gun control, same sex marriage, et all. Well I heard this song and I could not hear the lyrics and think this is EXACTLY how I have been feeling about faith and Christianity lately.

When he sings "you're" I hear him singing this to Christianity. I have no idea if his intentions were meant in this direction, but that is how I hear it today. I've listened to it so many times today and it has made me think our approach has been wrong for too long on how we engage with one another on areas of difference. (Sara also presented a paper yesterday at a conference on something very similar to this - Change Theory).

We (Christians) always think WE are right when it comes to (name the issue) and there is no room for doubt, error, questioning, or God forbid we are wrong on how we read the Bible or view God. So many of us cannot be "wrong" otherwise our lives are turned upside down. I get it. It hits all to close to home for me too. I'll let the song speak for itself. Maybe you won't see anything that I do and thats fine, then move on about your day. I just resonated with it and thought, for better or worse I'd share it.


Take a listen. Read the lyrics. See what you think.

Fire 
The sun is well asleep 
Moon is high above 
Fire grows from the east 
How is this 
Hate so deep 
Lead us all so blindly killing killing 
Fools are we 
If hate's the gate to peace 
This is the last stop 
For raining tears 
War 
The only way to Peace 
I don't fall for that 
Raining tears 
You're righteous, so righteous 
You're always so right 
Go ahead and dream 
Go ahead believe that you are the chosen one 
Raining tears 
Oh no 
Gracious even God 
Bloodied the cross 
Your sins are washed enough 
Mother's cry 
"Is hate so deep 
Must a baby's bones 
This hungry fire feed?" 
As smoke clouds roll in 
The symphony of death 
This is the last stop 
Scream 
Right is wrong now 
Shut up you big lie 
This black and white lie 
You comb your hair to hide 
Your lying eyes 
You're righteous, so righteous 
You're always so right 
But why your lie 
Go ahead and dream 
Go ahead believe that you are the chosen one 
This is the last stop 
Here there's more than is showing up 
Hope that we can break it down 
It's not so black and white (in the live version he says "your world is not so black and white")
You're righteous 
You're righteous 
You're righteous 
You'are always so right 
There you are nailing a god to a tree 
Then say forgive me, forgive me 
Why 
Raining tears 
This is the last stop 
Here there is more than is showing up 
Hope that we can break it down 
It's not so black and white

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlAFu4aQINw

colorado | film industry

I have recently been seeing some arguments back and forth about the shootings in Colorado and the role the new Batman movie had in it. Many think that Christopher Nolan, the director of the film, is guilty and at fault for making this person react how he did, indicating it is acceptable to kill people because they do it in the movies without much retribution. Others think that he is completely innocent and it's the fault of the person for doing the shooting, indicating that the movie played no role in the mass homicides at all.
It is my contention that this film, along with the thousands of other films in our society all play a role in how our world functions. It is clear that the film, TV, and advertising industry choose specific material to put in front of its' viewers for a reason, entertainment. In advertising it is placed in front of its' viewers to sell a product. Look how much sex is portrayed on TV. There are so many movies that have sex scenes in it that are not needed. One of the first things I think about is the Axe commercials and how if you use their product, skinny, young, attractive women will want to sleep with you. However, in the new Batman movie, along with all the others, there are mass killings throughout the movie, with little to no regard for human life. When we see this attitude portrayed on the screen, with the filter that TV and movies give us, how can we take it as serious as it really is. When compared to the movie, this tragedy in Colorado seems like nothing, yet, this has made widespread news across the world.
I do not believe that Nolan is solely responsible for actions like what happened in Colorado, but I do think the film industry has some responsibility in the matter. Clearly the murderer is and will be help responsible for his actions, that is no question. When we portray violence in a way that has no regard for humanity, there are people out there who will react similarly and it doesn't make it acceptable, but at the same time, this is what entertains our culture and we flock to sold out theaters at midnight to watch this, myself included.
I do not have a solution, but this is something that I've been thinking about since hearing of the tragedy in Colorado. I don't know anyone who doesn't feel for the family's of those injured, killed, or the family of victim, but what does films like this do. I understand that the film is also based upon a hero trying to stop the violence, but in the process, hundreds and thousands of people uninvolved and in Batman's "saving" process are killed. The killings don't feel real and we rarely if ever think about the reality of people dying in a movie when it's not the main plot line. But we do care when it happens in real life. How should we watch movies like this? Do we rid ourselves of movies like these to help the violent nature to creep up less often in our minds, or would it even matter? It easy for us to say, I saw it and I'm fine, I didn't go out and kill people, but remember, you are not the same as everyone else. You think differently than other people. You can't compare yourself to others.
There is so much to be said about this. Ultimately it is really sad for everyone involved, there are no words in the end. Prayers and thoughts go out to all involved. 

life as a chaplain | 1

A chaplain is an Intimate Stranger! Brought into the worst of situations with people we have never met and someone we are supposed to provide care and support. In my opinion one of the worst places for anyone to be is in a hospital. Not only is it a hospital, it displaces you from the things you love. Watching people lose loved ones that less than a month ago were fine, has shaken me to my core. I have been traumatized by having to look people in the eyes as they are actively dying, watching someone see a loved one die, or choosing to take their loved one off life support. These families have simply been displaced from their home, family, and normalcy of life. How do I not let this affect me?
One thing is for sure, my understanding of how shitty of a world this is has been dramatically increased through spending time with people suffering from such deeply life altering diseases. I have grown a great level of empathy, which I was hoping for, until it actually happened. It is paralyzing seeing someone in a patient bed and thinking of Sara being the patient. There are not words to describe the fear I feel of losing the closest person in my life, the one person I would spend eternity with and wouldn't care if all others ceased existing, THAT person. Sara.. Yet, this is happening to these families I encounter every day, and this is just in my hospital. From a global perspective it is heart wrenching. There is an image that has come to mind that depicts how I often see God in relation to these patients at the hospital. Too often I think or hear people say they know God is present in their situation, but is it good enough to just be a witness to crime.
And yet....somehow we're told, press on...tomorrow brings a new day...go to God and it will be better...and still, it's not...

effectiveness of prayer | believers or non alike | divine intervention

when we pray, how do we know our prayer matters? Or is prayer just a means to be in communication and relationship with God? Either way, this question seems very important, because everyday people pray. If you're asked, "do my prayers matter" by either a christian or non christian, how do you answer them?

Depending on what you believe about God, prayer is an interesting concept and idea.

If I believe that God is pre-ordaining everything in the world, it seems that my prayer does not matter, because God has already planned the outcome of the event I am praying about anyways.

If I am an open theist (God knows all options but does not know which action will be chosen until it has happened) and I pray for something or someone and God intervenes and answers my prayer (ie...a friend is dying of cancer, I pray, along with many other people, they were going to die from cancer, but our prayers worked and God saved the friend from dying) then that isn't true freedom is it? Is not total freedom, those places in which God does not intervene? If God does intervene, that then relinquishes my freedom, but maybe we are never meant to have total freedom, only freedom in the moments God chooses not to act. But that seems messed up too, because with all the evil in the world, wars, disease, natural disasters, etc...God is just willing to allow those events to happen and millions of innocent people are murdered over the course of human history. You can say, we live in a ______(fallen, shitty) world, but our response is not to just throw up our hands, God is still present, right? So....what does that mean?

Now, what about the idea of "middle knowledge" which says God knows all possibilities of different scenarios AND knows which actions will be taken in those moments. This still does not make sense with those moments that God chooses to intervene.

So does God intervene? If so, why? We can never fully know, can we? How do you know when your prayer is actually effective or is it just coincidence. You can then choose to assume it was God who answered a prayer, but then what about all the prayers of the people who have no food and die because they can't get basic necessities to survive? If you believe that it is the "sin" in their life that has had God reject them, then we should all be rejected and that is not really consistent with who God appears to be in the Bible.

I don't know, just some thoughts. Maybe C.S. Lewis is right, maybe prayer is more for the person praying than for any other purpose. I'd be curious to know your thoughts.