reflections. year one in chicago

This time a little over a year ago I was unemployed. Filled with hope, but mostly doubt. Doubt about what I was going to do with my life. Why did we move here? This place sucks. I hate Chicago. I could like it I guess. I do love fall. I like new and challenging experiences, maybe it will be okay. I wouldn't work for another two months. At that point I had no prospects, at least no real ones. Then came Haymarket Center (www.hcenter.org). A most unlikely place I would have picked to work, but I feel I can almost say it picked me. The last year has been invaluable. My unit, the Integrated Care Program serves 16 male clients, where to qualify they must be 1)uninsured 2) homeless 3) dually-diagnosed (mental health disorder and substance abuse. Most are unemployed as well.

Was I terrified going into this working environment? Yes, of course I was. But did I know what I was getting myself into? Maybe, but not really. As I look back do I regret it, of course not. This job has reshaped and challenged in every way imaginable how I view schizophrenia, psychosis, substance abuse, homelessness, poverty, bipolar, narcissism, gender, race, and socio-economic status. I encountered extremes in EVERY one of these areas. And I've loved it. Side note: If you have never known or experienced someone with schizophrenia (auditory hallucinations in particular), watch this 8 minute video. It gives a pretty, what I would call, tragic and terrifying depiction of it.


What else have I learned:

Transportation-wise
I've learned to drive down Lake Shore Drive with about a foot of space between cars on either side of me. No I'm kidding, it's probably a foot and a half.

I've learned to take trains as a main form of public transportation. I'm over it. Give me my car.

3 miles means plan for 30+ minutes of driving.

Cab drivers like to play the how many inches away from your car does my fender need to be before you give me the finger game

Chicago people LOOOOOOOOOOVE to honk their horn at you

You really do see some crazy things on the train: people who are practically naked, people on every kind of drug you could imagine, people maybe if not actually having sex, people yelling at nothing, people sleeping with a plastic CVS bag over their head, gambling cons throwing around 100 dollar bills in front of homeless riders begging for change, people picking fights with you, and so many other things I can't remember now.

People

I've met some (hopefully) lifelong friends while being here. And in some pretty unexpected places, from unexpected places. (Mississippi, SoCal, Boston-ish, Texas (of all places), Alexandria, Chicago,

If you're from the midwest, for me MN or WI, Chicagoans are not as polite as the states I come from. If you're from the East coast, Chicagoans are the nicest and kindest people.

The city is so crowded and I understand why no one talks to each other on the trains, because you can't ever escape people. You are always around people all the time...so you put headphones on, listen to music, read a book, avoid eye contact and pretend the world around you doesn't exist. I'm sure people would give me crap about this view, but as a northerner, that's how I see it.

There's a lot of other things about Chicago, but as I sit in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, it's refreshing to be around quiet, the silence of a snow covered lake, fire crackling, wind through the pines and deer walking past your windows. I haven't heard a siren in 7 days. It is amazing. Yet I kind of miss it. I am from Wisconsin after all, but I have really learned to love the city. You can take the boy out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the boy. Chicago, you aren't that bad, but you take some getting used to.

This is a quick snapshot of the past year plus. It has had its challenges and rewards. I do not regret moving to Chicago, but I am not convinced Chicago is for me. We'll see what 2015 holds. 

a question around the question of children

The majority of my married friends have kids, most of whom I love. So hear me say that I like, enjoy and even love children. I just do not want to have kids of my own. I never have and up until this moment of my life, I do not desire to have any kids of my own. But it is always interesting when I meet someone for the first time. This seems to be a foreign concept to most everyone I meet. I'll recount the last time this has happened. The typical conversation goes something like this:

(once they know Sara and I are married)

New Person: How long have you been married?
Me: About 3 1/2 years
NP: How many kids? (assuming we already have kids after 3 years)
Me: none
NP: Oh so when do you plan on having kids? (again assuming we are going to have kids)
Me: I don't plan to have any kids
NP: I'm sorry to hear that
Me: Sorry? How come?
NP: Well, we have friends who couldn't have kids either, that must be difficult ( assuming we want kids)
Me: Oh, it's not that we can't have any, we just don't want to have children
(and this is where I feel the immediate disdain for our choices coming from the person asking)

OR it continues or has the variation of this....


NP: Oh so when do you plan on having kids?
Me: I don't plan to have any kids
NP: Oh, but you'd be such a good dad

You know, I actually think I WOULD be a good dad too, but I didn't ask if I would be a good dad. Why do people feel like they need to affirm my father capabilities when hearing that I don't want to have kids? It's like they think that once they affirm my "dadness" that I will decide "oh you know, you're right, I would be a good dad, I think we will have kids now.
Or why do you need to affirm me for not having kids? I don't understand. 
Or assume we can't have children. 

It just becomes very frustrating. I love my friends' children and the chances to play with them, talk to them, and hangout with them. I love being a part of their lives, their development and helping shape and grow them as young people. Just because I may not have children does not mean I'm less of an adult or less human or that something is wrong with us. Instead, let me and Sara babysit for you so you can go out, have a nice evening or weekend as a couple and we'll spoil your kids and let them stay up late, have sugar and be the fun aunt and uncle.

Dave Matthews Band | Theology | Christianity

Most of you who know me, know that I love the Dave Matthews Band. I also love listening to music of any kind and seeing how it resonates with me and life at any given moment. Do you ever have those experiences where you hear a song or read a quote and years later you hear the same song or read the quote and it means something completely different?!?! Well I just had this experience. Either I'm sad or stressed or something, but any music I was playing was not doing the trick so I went to my default....Dave Matthews Band - Before These Crowded Streets album. (You want to experience the best hour of your life, listen to this album). Anywho, I was painting one of the rooms in our house and played this album in Spotify (I wanted to hear the "Spotify Live Series" version). I began at the beginning because every song on this album is my favorite. Well when "The Last Stop" began playing I heard it in a very different light. Maybe it's because of all the Facebook arguing, bantering, disagreeing, "tough guy" mentality that has occurred (myself included) recently around Christianity, gun control, same sex marriage, et all. Well I heard this song and I could not hear the lyrics and think this is EXACTLY how I have been feeling about faith and Christianity lately.

When he sings "you're" I hear him singing this to Christianity. I have no idea if his intentions were meant in this direction, but that is how I hear it today. I've listened to it so many times today and it has made me think our approach has been wrong for too long on how we engage with one another on areas of difference. (Sara also presented a paper yesterday at a conference on something very similar to this - Change Theory).

We (Christians) always think WE are right when it comes to (name the issue) and there is no room for doubt, error, questioning, or God forbid we are wrong on how we read the Bible or view God. So many of us cannot be "wrong" otherwise our lives are turned upside down. I get it. It hits all to close to home for me too. I'll let the song speak for itself. Maybe you won't see anything that I do and thats fine, then move on about your day. I just resonated with it and thought, for better or worse I'd share it.


Take a listen. Read the lyrics. See what you think.

Fire 
The sun is well asleep 
Moon is high above 
Fire grows from the east 
How is this 
Hate so deep 
Lead us all so blindly killing killing 
Fools are we 
If hate's the gate to peace 
This is the last stop 
For raining tears 
War 
The only way to Peace 
I don't fall for that 
Raining tears 
You're righteous, so righteous 
You're always so right 
Go ahead and dream 
Go ahead believe that you are the chosen one 
Raining tears 
Oh no 
Gracious even God 
Bloodied the cross 
Your sins are washed enough 
Mother's cry 
"Is hate so deep 
Must a baby's bones 
This hungry fire feed?" 
As smoke clouds roll in 
The symphony of death 
This is the last stop 
Scream 
Right is wrong now 
Shut up you big lie 
This black and white lie 
You comb your hair to hide 
Your lying eyes 
You're righteous, so righteous 
You're always so right 
But why your lie 
Go ahead and dream 
Go ahead believe that you are the chosen one 
This is the last stop 
Here there's more than is showing up 
Hope that we can break it down 
It's not so black and white (in the live version he says "your world is not so black and white")
You're righteous 
You're righteous 
You're righteous 
You'are always so right 
There you are nailing a god to a tree 
Then say forgive me, forgive me 
Why 
Raining tears 
This is the last stop 
Here there is more than is showing up 
Hope that we can break it down 
It's not so black and white

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlAFu4aQINw

colorado | film industry

I have recently been seeing some arguments back and forth about the shootings in Colorado and the role the new Batman movie had in it. Many think that Christopher Nolan, the director of the film, is guilty and at fault for making this person react how he did, indicating it is acceptable to kill people because they do it in the movies without much retribution. Others think that he is completely innocent and it's the fault of the person for doing the shooting, indicating that the movie played no role in the mass homicides at all.
It is my contention that this film, along with the thousands of other films in our society all play a role in how our world functions. It is clear that the film, TV, and advertising industry choose specific material to put in front of its' viewers for a reason, entertainment. In advertising it is placed in front of its' viewers to sell a product. Look how much sex is portrayed on TV. There are so many movies that have sex scenes in it that are not needed. One of the first things I think about is the Axe commercials and how if you use their product, skinny, young, attractive women will want to sleep with you. However, in the new Batman movie, along with all the others, there are mass killings throughout the movie, with little to no regard for human life. When we see this attitude portrayed on the screen, with the filter that TV and movies give us, how can we take it as serious as it really is. When compared to the movie, this tragedy in Colorado seems like nothing, yet, this has made widespread news across the world.
I do not believe that Nolan is solely responsible for actions like what happened in Colorado, but I do think the film industry has some responsibility in the matter. Clearly the murderer is and will be help responsible for his actions, that is no question. When we portray violence in a way that has no regard for humanity, there are people out there who will react similarly and it doesn't make it acceptable, but at the same time, this is what entertains our culture and we flock to sold out theaters at midnight to watch this, myself included.
I do not have a solution, but this is something that I've been thinking about since hearing of the tragedy in Colorado. I don't know anyone who doesn't feel for the family's of those injured, killed, or the family of victim, but what does films like this do. I understand that the film is also based upon a hero trying to stop the violence, but in the process, hundreds and thousands of people uninvolved and in Batman's "saving" process are killed. The killings don't feel real and we rarely if ever think about the reality of people dying in a movie when it's not the main plot line. But we do care when it happens in real life. How should we watch movies like this? Do we rid ourselves of movies like these to help the violent nature to creep up less often in our minds, or would it even matter? It easy for us to say, I saw it and I'm fine, I didn't go out and kill people, but remember, you are not the same as everyone else. You think differently than other people. You can't compare yourself to others.
There is so much to be said about this. Ultimately it is really sad for everyone involved, there are no words in the end. Prayers and thoughts go out to all involved. 

life as a chaplain | 1

A chaplain is an Intimate Stranger! Brought into the worst of situations with people we have never met and someone we are supposed to provide care and support. In my opinion one of the worst places for anyone to be is in a hospital. Not only is it a hospital, it displaces you from the things you love. Watching people lose loved ones that less than a month ago were fine, has shaken me to my core. I have been traumatized by having to look people in the eyes as they are actively dying, watching someone see a loved one die, or choosing to take their loved one off life support. These families have simply been displaced from their home, family, and normalcy of life. How do I not let this affect me?
One thing is for sure, my understanding of how shitty of a world this is has been dramatically increased through spending time with people suffering from such deeply life altering diseases. I have grown a great level of empathy, which I was hoping for, until it actually happened. It is paralyzing seeing someone in a patient bed and thinking of Sara being the patient. There are not words to describe the fear I feel of losing the closest person in my life, the one person I would spend eternity with and wouldn't care if all others ceased existing, THAT person. Sara.. Yet, this is happening to these families I encounter every day, and this is just in my hospital. From a global perspective it is heart wrenching. There is an image that has come to mind that depicts how I often see God in relation to these patients at the hospital. Too often I think or hear people say they know God is present in their situation, but is it good enough to just be a witness to crime.
And yet....somehow we're told, press on...tomorrow brings a new day...go to God and it will be better...and still, it's not...

effectiveness of prayer | believers or non alike | divine intervention

when we pray, how do we know our prayer matters? Or is prayer just a means to be in communication and relationship with God? Either way, this question seems very important, because everyday people pray. If you're asked, "do my prayers matter" by either a christian or non christian, how do you answer them?

Depending on what you believe about God, prayer is an interesting concept and idea.

If I believe that God is pre-ordaining everything in the world, it seems that my prayer does not matter, because God has already planned the outcome of the event I am praying about anyways.

If I am an open theist (God knows all options but does not know which action will be chosen until it has happened) and I pray for something or someone and God intervenes and answers my prayer (ie...a friend is dying of cancer, I pray, along with many other people, they were going to die from cancer, but our prayers worked and God saved the friend from dying) then that isn't true freedom is it? Is not total freedom, those places in which God does not intervene? If God does intervene, that then relinquishes my freedom, but maybe we are never meant to have total freedom, only freedom in the moments God chooses not to act. But that seems messed up too, because with all the evil in the world, wars, disease, natural disasters, etc...God is just willing to allow those events to happen and millions of innocent people are murdered over the course of human history. You can say, we live in a ______(fallen, shitty) world, but our response is not to just throw up our hands, God is still present, right? So....what does that mean?

Now, what about the idea of "middle knowledge" which says God knows all possibilities of different scenarios AND knows which actions will be taken in those moments. This still does not make sense with those moments that God chooses to intervene.

So does God intervene? If so, why? We can never fully know, can we? How do you know when your prayer is actually effective or is it just coincidence. You can then choose to assume it was God who answered a prayer, but then what about all the prayers of the people who have no food and die because they can't get basic necessities to survive? If you believe that it is the "sin" in their life that has had God reject them, then we should all be rejected and that is not really consistent with who God appears to be in the Bible.

I don't know, just some thoughts. Maybe C.S. Lewis is right, maybe prayer is more for the person praying than for any other purpose. I'd be curious to know your thoughts. 

creation - not perfect | sin - a vandalism of shalom

I have been reading a lot on Sin and creation. Here are a few of those thoughts. 


Sin
With entering of sin into the world, I would tend to lean to explaining this as a "vandalism of shalom." Cornelius Plantinga in his book Not The Way It's Supposed To Be, he explains sin as a vandalism of shalom. I love this! I think God's intent in creating this world is shalom. God left humans, creatures, and nature responsible and even empowered each entity to keep alive shalom. Somewhere along the line, this was disrupted, ending up with shalom being vandalized. I believe we as Christians are to help in the restoration of bring God's kingdom on earth back to shalom. I do not think we can bring it to a full sense of shalom, as thought we've been given power on earth, we are still limited. Either way I don't think that means we can use that as an excuse to do nothing about this restoration process. 

So why does this sin exist? I am not sure we can ever truly know, but this is how I have come to grasp the idea. 


Creation | not perfect
A summary of Creation Untamed begins with Terrence Fretheim’s identification of creation as a “good” result from God, that is, not perfect. In this sense, God created the world not perfect intentionally. By God creating the world good, God left space for humanity, nature and creatures to exist in the world and continue the process of Gods creation. This project was left into the hands of imperfect beings, humanity, along with the other creatures of creation and eventually, sin, as we know it entered the world. Thus, the existence of the world is a continual process of creation working with God to restore the world back to Gods original intent, shalom.
God created the world good, not perfect.” It is a common belief in evangelicalism that when God created the world as we have in the Genesis story, that created order was perfectness and exactly how God intended humans to live. Nevertheless, the creation story includes God saying that the subjects created were “good.” Fretheim also says, which I agree with, “Genesis does not present the creation as a finished product…for creation to stay just as God originally created it would constitute failure of the divine design…God continues to create and uses creation in a vocation that involves the becoming of creation” (p. 15).


This is not a perfect explanation, but I think it helps in understanding sin. It is not good enough to me to say God is sovereign. I've talked to enough people to feel that that explanation does not do the amount of evil and suffering justice. I think it gets God off the hook to easily for the evil in the world. Does it mean that God is to blame for some evil that exists? Maybe. But that doesn't remove the love of God or the presence of God in those times of suffering. At least that is my belief. 

king david is highly over-touted

I find it incredible that King David gets the reputation he does within our churches. This is the first time I have read the whole story of David and I found a plethora of examples that if it were anyone else, they would have been overlooked, if not only the areas of injustice David inflicted (1 Sam. 1:13-16; 25:39-44; 27:8-28:2; 30:1-21, 2 Sam 17), but the amount of attention he gets for reigning for a minimal amount of time, forty years. I think we need to re-evaluate the lofty level of importance we put on David. All throughout 1 and 2 Samuel we have this picture of someone who raided villages and killed men and women, stole all the possessions and kept them for himself or his people. I would need to do a further in depth study on this, but it doesn't add up. He begins with marrying 2 women right off the bat. This is quite alarming to those who want to take the Bible as literal. (You can't say this is different because it was a different culture and time without saying that about women's roles, Paul's letters, Jesus commands, etc...) The obvious Bathsheba in 1 Sam 17. I mean if you read both Samuels, it's scattered all over the place that David is causing unjust actions and creating a pretty screwed up form of leadership.
I just think it's interesting the level of claim and fame this guy gets for being a pretty awful man. 

Women in Leadership - Specifically Church Leadership

Recently I was given an opportunity to write a letter of encouragement to women entering into church leadership. It is meant to be a letter to women who may feel or have felt discouraged due to being told by men that women do not belong in leadership areas of the church. It is also a letter to any men who feel the church is not a place for women. In the end whoever reads this, we may not agree, but I was asked to post my thoughts to my blog and I proudly do so. I enjoy having these conversations and hope that we continue to do so until the need is no longer. Anyways here was my short letter:

***************************************************

I would like to take this time to express to you my passion for empowering and encouraging women in positions of leadership within and outside of the church. However, the (big C) church seems to be a difficult place for women to gain respect, whereas many organizations and companies outside of the ministry world have adopted their support of women. Many even to the point where it is not even considered a conversation because it is not tolerable to think otherwise. However, this is still an issue we need to address. 

I read this recently for my Theology class where Justo Gonzalez said that it is a problem that " the North American male theology is taken to be basic, normative, universal theology, to which women, and other minorities may add their footnotes." For entirely too long churches have been dominated by white men. Most of church doctrines were and are established by white men as well. It's not a wonder why many churches do not want to adjust and change. Whether it's based out of fear because of the "feminist agenda" or because men are threatened that they might be "wrong", either way it's incredibly unjust for women to not have a place in the church outside of the three basic women endorsed roles: Missionaries, Sunday School teachers, or Choir directors. Even more so than women having a place in the church is the the tragedy that many women do not even have a VOICE. Women can no longer be silenced by these men (and other women who have been indoctrinated in a the system where men have the sole voice). 

This problem in the church will remain a problem until we can stop having the conversation. This will only happen when women have gained respect and empowerment based off their ability and gifting and not because of their gender. 

I would encourage any woman to stay in the fight if they encounter one. Do not let anyone or any man win in silencing your voice. You have a strong voice. Your voice came from the our Creator God and there is a reason God gave you your voice: You need to use it. For too long women with great talent and gifts have been marginalized and held back from doing what God created them to do. I will fight for you for as long as I live. I will be a resource, a listening ear, or a positive voice for you or any woman if they need it. 

Please stay strong and confident and my hope is that someday we will not have to worry about this even being a thought. But until that day comes, we are relying on the women and men who are willing to say something and work together toward true equality.

You deserve it. God created you to be a leader. God does not make mistakes in my opinion. Follow through with what you know God has gifted you in. Do not let anyone else tell you differently. 

Pumped up Kicks - Foster the People

If you have not heard this song, give it a listen. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. It seems wrong in almost every way. But the sad thing is that this is the internal mental processing of a lot of kids.

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.




Robert's got a quick hand.
He'll look around the room, he won't tell you his plan.
He's got a rolled cigarette, hanging out his mouth he's a cowboy kid.
Yeah he found a six shooter gun.
In his dads closet hidden in a box of fun things, and I don't even know what.
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you.

[Chorus x2:]
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

Daddy works a long day.
He be coming home late, yeah he's coming home late.
And he's bringing me a surprise.
'Cause dinner's in the kitchen and it's packed in ice.
I've waited for a long time.
Yeah the slight of my hand is now a quick pull trigger,
I reason with my cigarette,
And say your hair's on fire, you must have lost your wits, yeah.

[Chorus x2:]
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet.


All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet. 

Tour de Church | two

As our church visiting continued we found our way to Northeast United Methodist Church. This place is located in Northeast, about a 2 minute drive from our house. This is a huge plus for me as I really want to be connected to our local community. It is a church that merged with another church here in Northeast. It seem evident that the church has been going through some transition. The message that the pastor spoke, as Sara said, was very intentionally aimed towards the community and almost had a sense of comfort and also truth in the difficulty that the process of merging the churches has been. I do not feel like that made a lot of sense, but overall I personally appreciated her message. I felt really connected with what she was saying I could just feel that she had carefully planned her sermon and seemed very sure of what her congregation needed, I liked that. Again, there was an organ playing music, sometimes piano, I wasn't a huge fan, but then again, I haven't been a huge fan of musical worship for some time. The church had 37 people in it. It was the 4th of July weekend so that could have been a contributing factor to the small size. The average age was probably close to 70's or more. We met Pastor Sarah afterwards and she was really great. Super nice!

Here is the link to their website.
NE United Methodist Church

Tour de Church | one

This summer has been a summer of transition. For those of you who know anything about Sara or me there has been a lot of changes. Not the least of these changes has been our decision to travel around to visit several churches as we are looking for a new church home. Now to be fair, for anyone expecting an update (which I'm sure you're not) on 6 churches (we are 6 Sundays in from June as that is when we started visiting) will be disappointed as we have not been at a church every week this summer. We have visited friends at their churches or were out of town. However, here is an update on our first church we visited.

The church is called First Congregational Church of Minnesota. We visited it on June 19th, Fathers Day. It is fairly close to our place which is a plus as that is something we both want. It is right off of 35W and 4th St by the U of M campus. The experience was pretty great. The people were great, small congregation of about 70ish. The demographic ranged from college age to elderly. 

The sermon the pastor gave was on the Great Commission and her message consisted of talking about how June 19th or Juneteenth was the day that slavery was abolished. Throughout her sermon she connected the injusices of today are the same things that Jesus spoke about in the Gospels. The things that upset us are the things that upset Jesus. She reminded me of the passage when it says "go and make disciples" that it is NOT saying go and convert a bunch of people to believe what you believe. That is how I have heard this passage preached on more than not. I really appreciated the different spin on the interpretation of the text. Disciples in Greek and Hebrew would translate to student or learner. We are to make other students of Jesus Christ. Tell them and show them who Christ is and then let God and the Spirit do the work on the person instead of telling them what to believe about Christ. 

The other significant thing I took from this visit was the song which is in my previous post, "bring many names." I cannot stand the organ, so that was not my favorite part as it sounds like everyone is dying as they sing with it, but the lyrics to this song are phenomenal. I loved the message behind it and a few of the other songs we sang. 

We then left the service and talked to a guy who has been a part of the church for quite a while and I immediately connected with him as he had been a drug counselor in a high school in the southern metro. He really didn't have any bearing on me liking or not liking the church, but he was a cool guy. We met quite a few other people in the church as well, all were friendly and wish us luck on our visit. 

Here is the website of the church if you're curious to know more about it. 

First Congregational Church of Minnesota

bring many names, beautiful and good

This is a hymn that was sung in a church I went to this weekend. Now, I am not a fan of the organ, it brings back a lot of weird feelings of when I was little and hating church. (I grew up in the Wisconsin Lutheran Synod, it wasn't a great experience, but not awful either) But while I listened to the congregation singing this song very melodiously, I read along with them. As I read the words, I would occasionally glance at Sara who was joyously weeping at the words she was singing and I couldn't help but feel over-joyed to see such a sense of restoration at work. It was pretty amazing and powerful. Which must be true, because I don't often post lyrics of worship songs. (Actually, never) But anyways, here are the lyrics to the Hymn "Bring Many Names"


-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Bring many names, beautiful and good,
celebrate, in parable and story,
holiness in glory, living, loving God.
Hail and hosanna! Bring many names!

Strong mother God, working night and day,
planning all the wonders of creation,
setting each equation, genius at play:
Hail and hosanna, strong mother God!

Warm father God, hugging every child,
feeling all the strains of human living,
caring and forgiving till we're reconciled:
Hail and hosanna, warm father God!

Old, aching God, grey with endless care,
calmly piercing evil's new disguises,
glad of good surprises, wiser than despair:
Hail and hosanna, old aching God!

Young, growing God, eager, on the move,
saying no to falsehood and unkindness,
crying out for justice, giving all you have:
Hail and hosanna, young, growing God!

Great, living God, never fully known,
joyful darkness far beyond our seeing,
closer yet than breathing, everlasting home:
Hail and hosanna, great, living God!

paul. valid or not?

^{1 Corinthians 11:7-16
7} A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. ⁸ For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; ⁹ neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. ¹⁰ It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels. ¹¹ Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. ¹² For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
 ¹³ Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? ¹⁴Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, ¹⁵ but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. ¹⁶ If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice—nor do the churches of God.
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Now to even ask this question is heresy to many people. But hear me out. I was reading through hundreds of verses in the Bible as I write a paper on my core values and beliefs and I came across this passage. In the TNIV/NIV it is Titled "On Covering the Head in Worship." As I read this  Paul first says woman came from man and man came from God. In the first couple of verses it seems as if man is better than woman. At least how I am interpreting this from Paul. Saying that man is in the image and glory of God and then woman comes is in glory of man, not God. Then later in the same paragraph Paul then says that man is not independent of woman after all, nor woman of man. Actually both come from God. Then it later says that men should cut their hair because it does not glorify God, it is moreover a disgrace to the man, but for women it is her glory to have long hair. (I'm screwed then) I do not seem to understand then what Paul is saying, he seems to contradict himself. This isn't the only place. Most of us know the various other sections of Pauls writings where he says that people shouldn't get married(1 Cor 7), boast (1 Cor 5:6, 13:3, Eph 2:9, and numerous other verses), or greed.
(ie...Corinthians 5:9-13  ⁹ I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with any who claim to be fellow believers but are sexually immoral or greedy, idolaters or slanderers, drunkards or swindlers. With such persons do not even eat.
 ¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³ God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”) 
Didn't Jesus actually eat with these people? And if we reject those in the church - won't they just leave and feel rejected from the church anyways. Where does love, justice, mercy, or forgiveness come into play?
Now wait, shouldn't you tell me that I need to take these verses in context? Not everything you read in the Bible is literal Andy. You can't take what Paul wrote in 60 AD and assume it means word for word what it does today. After all the Bible has been translated numerous times to get to the English language. (at least that what most of us in the US read it in). Ok, if I am to take these verses in context - such as, who the author is, who the author is writing too, when the author wrote this, etc... then how can we claim such strong demeaning insults at people based off Paul's writings. I am thinking specifically of equality for all people, men as head of his wife, women in leadership positions or pastors in the church and homosexuality. It seems these areas get pulled out of Paul's writings and taken literally, but other areas do not. This just seems very inconsistent to me. How do we know the word homosexuality means the same thing then as it does today. I have read many times where the meaning differs then from now. How do we know that women today can't lead? Maybe women had no rights back in the day of Paul and weren't afforded the opportunity to have been instructed or taught how and what to preach/teach. Many men weren't afforded this opportunity either, but they aren't included in this text. Could this mean that those who didn't have proper instruction to teach/preach shouldn't do so? Well if women have those rights today, doesn't that then give them the authority to preach and teach today? If God calls them to this, why should she be silenced because of what Paul said some 2000 years ago, in a completely different culture/context/time than today in many parts of the world. (i understand this is still the case in some cultures that women still have no rights, but not in the state and so many other parts of the world). Could submitting to each other in marriage or even outside of marriage mean something different today? Does the submission for women in Eph 5 actually a literal statement from Paul? What about later in the section when he actually says he's not talking about marriage but Christ and the church? Or earlier in the sections that says above all we should submit ourselves to Christ.

I am not sure where I stand on Pauls' teachings. Many of the things I read from him go against the way in which Jesus lived his life. What am I to do with that? Even though many of these books were written before the Gospels, Jesus still lived before Paul and Paul attributes his works and ministry to Jesus/God. Then why do they seem so contradictory to Jesus' ministry? HELP!!!!!!!!!

i do not believe in Jesus.

This is not a new concept, thought or even self-critique from others. Matter of fact it sounds like some trendy, hip, progressive, post-modern, (whatever is cool to say these days in christianity) saying. But it has been something i've been thinking about for about a year now. Sara said this(the title) to me a few weeks ago and I have not been able to let it leave my thoughts. And the statement, "i do not believe in Jesus" is followed up by, "because if I did my life would not look like it does." This thought became more heightened on the heels of the tornado on the north side of minneapolis and across the midwest and south. specifically thought in north mpls, the tornado struck one of the most poverty stricken areas in minneapolis, leaving people with, in some cases, nothing. so what should my response to this be? go help clean up? and if so, go everyday? should my job be a priority or should helping others be a focus? give money? pray? secure my home and possessions?

another example is the way in which we live in America. How can any of us say we truly believe in Jesus and live the way we do? I will be the first to blame myself for not living how I think Jesus said I should. And what am I willing to do about it? Am I saying to God that I am following Jesus to the point of comfortability and the moment I fear or become uncomfortable, I acquiesce to what I want to do and the way I want to live. How can I fully believe in Christ and then own the things I do? Is the Bible and the story of Jesus more radical than we want to believe, I think so. Stephen Colbert, though his MO is more to be funny, he said something pretty profound that I have shared in the past that I think pertains to this post. He said on his show "If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." 
(I have posted this video in the previous post.)

These are just my thoughts. What I am going to do with them, I am not sure. I would hope it moves me to change. In what direction? That is the hard part. I feel like the answer is real easy but I am self aware enough to realize I do not want to change how I feel I should. So then what does that say about me? Do I really believe in Jesus? 

colbert. jesus is a liberal democrat.

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the point of christs' story. is there one?

So as I was reading this week for my class on the book of Matthew, I was repeatedly reading about Jesus and the people he was encountering, at least from what the author of Matthew was depicting and it started to make me wonder something. What is it exactly that we are to get/understand from the story of Christ? I mean I have essentially narrowed it down to two options. If there are others our there, please by all means, send them my way, I'd love to hear them and discuss them. I'll even treat you to coffee and we can talk about it.

1 | Are the stories of Christ to give us background information on this man and how he lived his life and we are to tell others about what he did. A small percentage of what Jesus did with his life here on earth is recounted by the authors and is for our retelling of the books Matthew through John to other people, believers and non-believers of Christ. That is one option.

2 | Are we as "christians" supposed to go out into the world and repeat what he did. Meaning learn from what Christ did and do it?

Well I guess we could say both are acceptable answers right? But then my confusion comes in when I think about what we are doing with our churches. As I have been reading Stanley Hauerwas' commentary on Matthew I started thinking about how Jesus rarely spent time with other people who were like him. (Yeah I get Jesus is God, but I mean, what I think we would consider today as Christians) I mean those people that were in the temple and "church" were the Pharisee's, Teachers of the law,  and Priests, right? Yet the stories we get when Jesus interacts with them is rebuking them or telling them they are wrong for what they say and do. He spends more (most of his) time with people who do not yet believe him or have rejected him. This includes both his disciples and then the large crowds that hear him and learn from him. After he gets done speaking he tells them to leave and tell others about God.

I fail at this EVERYDAY. I spend time with people mostly like me in my faith. Not all are like me, but the majority are. So my pondering is asking what is the point of Jesus. If we are truly to do as Christ did, then why do we spend so much time focused on church and not on the things outside of the church. The people outside of the church. Our big Christian focus for the week is Sunday to help teach those who come to church, yet, if we look at our churches, the vast majority are people who already believe in Jesus and claim to follow him, myself included. So what are we doing? Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy. The sick are not in the churches. Tim Keller says in The Prodigal God, the church is filled with elder sons, the younger sons are not in the church. If that is true, which I think it is, then what are we doing with our focused attention to Sundays? Are we just waiting for the younger ones to come to the church? I don't think that is happening.

Just some thoughts.

baptism. why?

we talked about in my Matthew for Theology class about Matthew 3 and the theology behind it. I couldn't get passed the idea and question of why is baptism really needed and important. I know some would say because it is the way to salvation - which doesn't entirely make sense to me. Some might say because Jesus was baptized. But as Matthew records John the Baptist saying that He baptizes with water for repentance. Why would Jesus need to be baptized for repentance? So that doesn't make sense. Matthew talks more in depth about the baptism than any other Gospel, but every Gospel at least references it, ie....Mark and Luke talk about it only in a verse or two whereas John recounts the baptism, but not in present tense. So Jesus in Matthew 3 talks about needing to fulfill all righteousness. Is this to fulfill the prophecies? Is it to emphasize his humanity? I get that Jesus was recorded by Matthew in chapter 28 to go make disciples, baptizing them.......

But still the question remains WHY? John was baptizing people before Jesus was baptized, but who told John to baptize people and why?

Lastly where do we get the form of baptisms? As a lutheran it was sprinkling water on the baby's head at a very young age. In the BGC (Converge Worldwide) it is full submersion, but where does that come from? In Matthew 3 (v16) it talks about Jesus coming up out of the water.....does it mean walking out of the water or coming up from being submerged. I feel like the author could have easily made this more clear. Why was it not stated clearly?

I don't know. I feel like I should just say because "it takes away my sins and Jesus told me to do so" but I feel it's good to ask the question as to the significance and where it derives from.

hell on earth

So....I know I'm behind, but Sara and I watched "Million Dollar Baby" this past weekend. We figured that it was one of those movies that won every award out there and maybe we should see it. So after several years since it has been out we watched it. As with most movies Sara and I tend to talk about them afterwards. Lately pretty much every movie has resulted in us trying to integrate our theology with the context of the film. Ergo, we have Million Dollar Baby. At the very end *no spoiler, don't worry* when Clint Eastwood is presented with a choice of assisting in the death of Hilary Swank he has to make an enormously difficult decision. End her life as she has requested or keep her alive and help her see that life is a beautiful thing and if anyone can do it, she can.

As Sara and me discussed this, the question was brought up on what we would do and if we were presented with this decision. Clearly the first thought and to many the only thought you could have would be to keep them alive. But what if keeping the person alive was literally hell for them. Now, I am not claiming to understand how heaven and hell work, but, is it possible to have your version of hell here on earth? I think of someone who has had a horrific accident and now has to live their life unable to move anything besides their mouth to blow into a straw as to maintain extremely limited functionality. I feel like this is maybe this person's version of hell. Maybe they were once highly active and and seemingly limitless mobility. (now of course this is saying that there is something wrong with someone who is in this state. Does someone who functions in this way have something wrong with them because they can't walk, talk, function like the majority of humanity? That is a whole other topic to be discussed. Maybe it is us who has something wrong with us in thinking someone in this state needs our pity, sympathy or concern?)

Maybe it's an elderly person who has lived a great life and is suffering with cancer or chronic pain. They ask for their life to be taken from them because they will spend the remainder of their life on a hospital bed accruing massive amounts of debt and used resources and most importantly in nearly unbearable pain. Does it seem just to keep this person alive in what they might say feels like hell, because it can get no worse. Do we let them suffer?  Of course you can put almost any scenario in place and ask if it could be hell for someone? Maybe it's not hell, maybe it's just a bad circumstance that happens to random people but I think it is something worth thinking about and asking the question?

Does hell exist here on earth and not just in some made up after life that no one one earth really knows about?!?!?

when does god play a role and when does god not

My question recently has been when does God play a role in what is happening here on earth? sure if you're a pantheist then god is all over in everything and working in all things ever. i am not that. but sometimes things happen and it makes me wonder "is God a part of these events and if so what is God trying to say, if anything." If God is not a part of it, then it could just be a string of events that is either good or bad. Usually when it's bad the question that follows is "what is God trying to teach me in this?" My typical response is, maybe nothing, maybe it's just something that is really shitty and we need to move on. I tend to error on that side of thinking.
Here is my current example. This is just a minutiae compared to greater things on this earth, such as natural disasters, deaths, crime, winning the lottery, cancer, etc....

We were planning to go to cyprus to visit sara's dad and family but thought with our finances we should get squared away with that first and then plan a trip somewhere. so we thought maybe we'd do a small inexpensive ski trip up north in lutsen. well that fell through and in the end we were happy because the water heater went out when we were supposed to go on a ski trip and we had a ton of water in our basement. so within a week we've had several thousands of dollars mount up to create more debt in our lives. I asked myself if God had a role in these trips falling through because of all the things that happened. Well of course this leads to more questions like: would God have halted these trips if he knew all these expenses would happen? does God even work that way? does God even know what's going to happen before it happens? or does God know all the options that are possible and lets them play out by allowing us to interact in the world? why not just lets us go on the trips and keep the 4 year old water heater working for 10 more years? were we supposed to learn something in this? have we "sinned" and are now being punished? were we irresponsible with our money and now God is teaching us a lesson? if so what is that lesson?

I think you get it. When does God play a role events on earth? The earthquake in Japan is a great example. Was it God? I'm sure some evangelist will say it is some sort of sin in Japan that God got pissed and did this to them. I think those people are freaking crazy. This is where I respond with, sometimes really shitty things happen in this world and this is one of those times. It is unbelievably sad and tragic and I think it is our responsibility as humans to react when things like this happen, and by react, I mean helping in ways that we can.

I don't know. just some thoughts about God working here on earth. How, When, Why, Where and What is God doing? Sometimes knowing when God is present seems easy, but then again, in those moments, I may be wrong, it may not be God. Maybe it is? Do you just go with your gut feeling and call that God or not God? If that is the case, I feel like that could be very harmful/limiting/etc...to the image and truth of who God is. The people at these baptist churches who are protesting military funerals are representing God. Their gut and view of scripture is telling them one thing and they are representing God to many people in a negative light. Maybe the gut is not always the best source.

Help? Thoughts? Comments?